Tugs of the Heartstrings

Today, I stood on the porch and watched my Zach drive away to school for the last time.  I followed the car until it disappeared around the corner as a wave of emotions swept over me.  Sadness, hope, joy, love, and loneliness- how can one person feel so much at one time?  

I am sad to see the last of my babies doing something that has been part of our lives for so many years.  The rush and craziness of dragging children out of bed, getting ready for school, checking for assignments, and kisses and prayers before running out the door.  All of the disruptions of quiet mornings, oh, how I will  miss it.

I am filled with hope for his future.  He will spread his wings and fly to new adventures- ones that will mold him into the man he is to become.  Adventures that won't include me or the-man-of-my-dreams.

The joy of life envelopes me.  The funny comments, the dinner conversations, the many lacrosse games, the choir concerts, the family movie nights, the Sunday worship, the family road trips, all of it.  How blessed.

Love overwhelms me as I think of the years that have rushed by.  Not just love for this boy, but for his brothers and sister and the everyday moments that have defined me as a mother.  

And all of these emotions lead to loneliness.  Who am I without them?  If I am not reminding, and encouraging, and checking up on, and cleaning up after these babies who have grown into people, who am I?

I suppose I will find out, one day at a time.  But for now, for this day, I am going to hold in my heart the memory of that car backing down the driveway with one wonderful boy headed to the last day of school.