Dear Zachary,
I missed you today. I decided that enough time had passed and I needed to straighten your room. I gently placed your guitars in their cases, accidentally strumming the strings and wondering when I would hear you play them again. I folded all of your BYU lacrosse shooting shirts and tucked them away in a drawer remembering all of the fun you had this last season, starting time as a freshman, not bad. I stacked the volume after volume of Chris Heimerdinger cds and smiled thinking of all the late nights you and Peter had listening over and over again to Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites. Peter and Ben still turn them on at night as they are falling asleep. I saw a shiny thing under your desk and reach down and found the sheriff badge from Yellowstone with your name engraved on it and thought of all the Jordan/Waite family trips and you and Patrick wearing those badges proudly pinned to your t-shirts, as high school students.
I found the bag of boondoggle supplies and stuffed it back into your closet. Who knew that you would be my crafty child? I hung up your suit that you had so recently outgrown -I wasn't surprised to find a stick of gum in the pocket- and hoped that you are hanging up your suits each day as you wear them. You know, they will last longer that way. I reached down and picked a piece of tape up off the carpet. I closed my eyes and could hear you rolling tape between your fingers.... I found your old scriptures upside down by the bookshelf and held them for a minute before I closed them and put them on the shelf. I thought about putting them in a box with your other things from college but decided I just wanted to see them sitting there.
I was almost finished when I saw the two black boxes sitting on your dresser. I couldn't resist opening them and admiring the two state championship rings twinkling back at me. That's when the tears finally came. What a great boy you are, and how you have filled my life. I know you won't be reading this- mission rules and all- but I just needed to write you and tell you how much I miss you. Every day. Somehow it makes me feel better.
I love you,
Mom
